General Update

From Doris:

Today Paul and I read chapter twelve from the book Tuck Everlasting with our granddaughter, Enna. This book is one of my favorite books and we are enjoying sharing it with her. Here is a quote from chapter twelve:

 

“That’s what us Tucks are, Winnie. Stuck so’s we can’t move on. We ain’t part of the wheel no more. Dropped off, Winnie. Left behind. And everywhere around us, things is moving and growing and changing.”

 

This quote summarizes how I have been feeling lately. Stuck. I am trying to move forward, but I am not on the same “wheel” as those around me. Everywhere around me things are growing and changing, and my progress is so slight that it is hard to feel forward progress.

 

About twenty-five years ago I had a conversation with Cathlene, my sister-in-law. She shared an insight I have never forgotten. She said that the biggest challenge she felt with her own physical trials was not the pain she felt, but her lost dreams for the future.

 

I lost many of my dreams for the future when I was diagnosed with cancer. I currently feel uncomfortable making plans for the future because I do not know what I will be capable of doing. So I feel stuck.

 

How do I fight against this discouragement? What I think about is important. I see progress as I look backwards and recognize how much stronger I am than I was a year ago. I choose to believe I will be healed. I am choosing to take baby steps toward a more productive life. Today that meant staying at church for ten minutes longer than I did last week.

 

The most important choice I make each day is to turn to God in prayer. I do not want to feel sorry for myself. I need His help to change my heart so I don’t feel stuck.

 

I am His daughter and He will continue to support me in my cancer journey. This I know.

 

From Paul:

 

Cycle 15 of 24

 

We are now in cycle 15. Remission is still evident. I mention this because from the very beginning of Doris’ treatment her oncologist has indicated that her labs are looking good. The key indications of her blood work – especially those that flagged the concern initially – are within range. Yet the treatment continues with little or no intervention from medical providers. Every four weeks Doris had blood draws for lab tests, and every eight weeks she meets with a provider to discuss her progress and how she is feeling at the time.

 

I find that the patient-centric approach provided by the medical staff from the CNA’s, NP’s, PA’s, and MD’s is exceptionally encouraging.

 

We are in the mode of endurance and rejoicing – endurance because this journey seems longer than what we would like it to be – rejoicing because we recognize that this is a tolerable journey for now. That is easy for me to say, because I am an observer. But because I am close to my sweetheart, I feel what she feels – frustrations, uncertainties, fatigue, pain, and even a little impatience. While most of these are shared feelings and emotions, the fatigue and pain are more empathic than shared. We have hopes and expectations that fatigue and pain are side-effects of the oral medications, because when she finished with her infusions, Doris felt less fatigue and pain. In general, she feels better now than she did a year ago.